I realized that my blog is over a year old. Hurray! Since I passed the one year mark, I thought that I should do a meta blog post on my experience blogging and my dating life.
I like blogging. I wrote on Livejournal when I was growing up when the internet was in its infancy. I probably disclosed way too much in my posts and was very self-conscious since I was a teenager then. Currently, I like the mission of my blog- to write about my dating life to shed light on what it is like to be an Ace person who wants to date and find a partner. I also feel like writing here is a great exercise in improving my writing.
Blogging about my dating life had its challenges. I took a long time to start dating seriously. When I first started blogging, I had a falling out with someone who I thought I could be with long-term and I was devastated. I feel like my full emotional recovery took place only a couple of months ago. This process was an impediment to writing posts and getting this blog off the ground.
Another challenge is deciding how much to disclose in my posts. I previously mentioned my concern about guarding my and others’ privacy. I really do not have the urge to bare my soul to the world anymore. And yet, I am writing about something deeply personal. So it has been a struggle walking the line between being genuine and not treating this blog as a personal diary.
Moving on to my dating life. My experience as an asexual person who is interested in being in a romantic relationship reinforced for me that the world is an unfriendly place. I decided early on that I would put in my OkCupid profile that I am demisexual. Since many people seemed to be confused about what demisexual meant, I subsequently changed my profile to indicate that I am asexual. I thought that being out was important, especially since my identity as an asexual person has consumed my entire life and I don’t want to hide a significant portion of my activities to a potential partner.
My decision to be out for online dating seems to invite people to be jerks and ask inappropriate, invasive questions about my sexual history and preferences. I think it is analogous to how some people react to transgender people. When some people meet trans folks for the first time, they seem to think it’s okay to ask trans people about their genitals and other things. I am aware that I may be the first and only asexual person who someone encounters but I do not want to be the subject of rude questions or comments. Google exists for a reason.
And dating allosexuals has other challenges. Like some people seem to think that they can change you and make you want sex once you sleep with them. Maybe the physical urge to have sex is so strong that not wanting to do it is unimaginable. One person invited me over to his place for sleepovers if I was ever in Virginia. Another person asked me to take my shirt off so he could jack off. No amount of explanation can make them understand.
I really do prefer it if I have a relationship with another Ace person, but my last attempt failed spectacularly. I wonder if I should avoid dating aromantic asexuals since I am so strongly romantic. I want to be swept away by love and feel spiritually connected to my partner. I’m not sure how I can override this desire to be with an aromantic person.
Despite all of these challenges, I have been pretty diligent in my efforts to meet people. I am meeting my new person that I mentioned in my last post tomorrow. I downloaded Hinge, another dating app, on my phone. I am not sure how long I can keep at it but I definitely will continue for a little while longer.