I sexted for the first time last November. Did I mention that I just turned 35?
I was seeing someone right after I moved back to NYC to be with my family. The first time I sexted, I remember blushing so hard I thought I would pass out. I felt a wave of discomfort but felt pressured to flirt a certain way to keep his attention. I had recently broken off a relationship with someone else and felt like I was starving for affection, to feel warmth.
I quickly got used to sexting but it didn’t feel natural. Seeing my date in shirtless photos did nothing for me except make me giggle. I did get turned on but I felt like I was performing a role to please him. I remember borrowing phrases from the romance novels I read because I was struggling to figure out what to say. I never sent him explicit pictures and I sensed he was disappointed, but I didn’t trust him enough and couldn’t get over my discomfort.
I wish I communicated my feelings to my date more clearly. He responded well when I came out to him. But I felt like he didn’t fully understand my sexuality. We stopped seeing each other after a couple of dates.
I wonder how I’ll feel if I do it again with someone I trust and love completely.