Libido

My libido is one of the reasons why it took me until I was in my thirties to figure out I was asexual.

I have a normal libido (or a high libido for an Ace person). I can always tell when I’m ovulating or about to get my period because I can literally feel the hormonal wax and wane. At certain times of the month, I feel physically ready to have sex and yet not want to do it with anyone (hence my personal ID as being Ace). Instead of having sex, I masturbate regularly. I prefer to read erotica while I’m doing myself.

I didn’t understand why I was like this for a long time. All I knew was that every time someone asked me out on a date or made a pass, I felt like I was suffocating, afraid, or embarrassed. I thought that I should remain alone because of these feelings and let everyone in my vicinity know that I was going to be single forever.

I know things can be different now. If I remain single, that’s fine. But alternative relationships are gaining popularity, aren’t they? Like queer platonic relationships and polyamory. I want that for myself too.

I want to point out that my story should not be seen as THE STORY of the Ace community. Many of my Ace friends are on the sex-repulsed or touch-averse side of the spectrum. Other friends are like me- having a moderate or high libido and appreciating cuddling, hand holding, or other kind of touch. Some want relationships and others do not (those who do not identify as aromantic).

But I hope that my story break stereotypes of Ace people in some way. We are not all psychopaths or socially awkward computer nerds who don’t know how to get laid. We exist everywhere. We just need to be seen.

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