BDSM

I’m listening to “Dangerous Woman” by Ariana Grande and “Justify My Love” by Madonna while I write this.

Being Ace does not necessarily equate being a vanilla person. You can be interested in BDSM, kink, fetishes, whatever rocks your boat.

I was interested in BDSM for years before I decided to do anything about it. I’m a submissive though I would never allow someone to dictate what I do outside of the bedroom. I’m more interested in the power exchange part of BDSM and the trust that is necessary to scene with someone, than the sexual parts of BDSM. I wonder if my interest stems from thinking that having someone top me will alleviate whatever anxieties I have around sex. But that seems wishful thinking on my part.

Washington, DC. has a surprisingly strong BDSM community considering how political and uptight it is (maybe because of it?). I took several workshops conducted by Black Rose, a nonprofit that focuses on BDSM education. I was impressed with the quality of the workshops and highly recommend them for newbies and experienced people alike. I learned I liked flogging during one of their Dungeon 101 workshops. Nipple clamps, not so much.

I also visited the Crucible, a BDSM club several times with a close friend. My friend, Jackie (not her real name), is also an Ace person and we hit it off almost immediately. It was great having her there as company. I liked how the club felt like a safe space for people to enjoy their extracurricular activities. It seems naive to say now, but I never saw as many naked people in one place before! I had to get over seeing penises very quickly or get out of there. And going to the club definitely made me aware that regular people with normal bodies do what I want to do. It felt…. reassuring.

During one of the times we were at the Crucible, a man was obviously interested in me because he kept looking at me and trying to gauge my interest. I pretended not to notice. Later, I made a joke about how a potential sex partner should at least wear some pants before I agree to do anything (he was wearing a robe at the time and he didn’t bother to close it). This incident reminded me that, while I may imagine scening with a stranger, it will never happen in real life.

Since I moved back home, I haven’t had a chance to dive into this area. From what I’ve been told, there’s a lot of house parties in NYC but not a lot of public venues for people who are interested in BDSM. That makes me a little wary. So, I’m currently exploring my options and will post more here.

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