OkCupid my heart…

As a general rule, dating apps are terrible. I’m currently have OkCupid on my phone, but I only open it only a couple of times a week. If I want to continue this blog, I should actually talk to people and go out on dates. Or torture my introvert self by going to singles mixers that have been cropping up around Valentine’s Day. But shelling out $35 to mill around and try to present my best self when all I want to do is watch the Olympics in my pj’s seems tragic.

I tried eHarmony years ago when dating websites were brand new. I think I lasted six months on that website. It wasn’t bad and there were many earnest people who wanted a long-term relationship. I think I enrolled because I thought I should at least try to make an effort. I was not enthusiastic about it at all.

I’m still not enthusiastic about online dating or dating period. I feel like I want to skip the dating part and be in a comfortable relationship without worrying about small talk or wondering if the other person finds me attractive.

I tried Tindr for a day. I deleted it almost immediately when a guy I was talking with asked me if I was into kink and whether I was a sub. I am into BDSM but I felt very uncomfortable talking about sex with a stranger and being expected to “perform.” I tried the app out of curiosity and shouldn’t have been surprised by how people act. I guess you live and learn.

OkCupid provides a seemingly endless choice of partners, but it’s hard to figure out who’s compatible with me (what’s up with guys who have only one line descriptions or couples’ profiles?). I also find messaging a stranger and trying to be flirty to be very difficult. I just want to talk to people and get to know them. I can be provocative sometimes but trying to figure out how to flirt does not feel natural at all. And I don’t know how to respond to guys who message me and all they say is “hi” or “heyyy.” I mean, it’s an universal female problem but those messages were always deleted. Fortunately, I don’t get those messages now since OkCupid changed how it works.

I had a couple of dates on OkCupid last year. I stopped using it because I felt it was wrong for me to see other people when I wanted to be with Tom. I knew he didn’t care about me seeing other people, but I felt it was something I had to do. Since that didn’t work out, I know I need to try to meet new people.

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