Familial expectations

Let me start with this: I love my family.

And I ran away from them for seven years by getting a job in DC. I only returned back home when I had no other choice.

A major reason why I left is because I knew that I could never conform to what was expected of me. I never came out as bisexual to my family because they’re homophobic. I wanted to tell them when I was a teenager but I was afraid of getting kicked out of the house. Now, my desire to come out as bisexual has lessened largely due to my lack of sexual activity. My sexual orientation just seems moot at this point.

I obliquely came out to my mom as being asexual. It’s a rule that you never, ever talk to Asian parents about sex. But there are ways to talk about this that does not violate cultural norms. I think it was helpful that I was talking to her about Tom at the time. She was very excited that I mentioned someone as a potential romantic partner, since I never did that in the past. We talked about my lack of romantic relationships and how Tom was different.

I think that my lack of experience is weirdly acceptable in a culture where a woman who is sexually promiscuous is stigmatized. I’m Korean-American and my family immigrated to the States when I was five. My parents still hold onto the values of the home country. I went through my schooling without any pressure from them to date. It was only after I graduated from law school that my parents began suggesting that I start dating and get married.

I do want to have a partner and children, but it seems highly unlikely at this point. I’ve been single for a long time, and I don’t see it changing in the near future. (I’ve been pessimistic about this lately.) Theoretically, I can have children by myself but I personally would prefer someone to help me with childrearing.

I think my parents want me to get married and have children simply because that’s what people are supposed to do. And who’s going to take care of me when they’re gone? I’m not sure if I can do it for them, even if I wanted to.

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