Still lost but trying to find my way

I’ve been feeling lost since my move back home to NY. I’m trying the best I can to survive and figure out my next move.

I’ve been hosting many Ace events for the past couple of months. All of my events take place at restaurants and I deliberately limit the event size to 6 people most of the time. I find that most people respond well to my events, mainly because of how intimate the events are. I think people sometimes feel intimidated by larger events and clam up. I also feel like events often take the character and personality of the host. I prefer low-key and warm events where you feel like you’re in a welcoming space and, when you leave, you feel less alone about being an Ace person. I’d like to think that my events are like that because that’s how I am. (I hope that doesn’t sound narcissistic.)

My role as host is important to me because it gives me some kind of purpose. Like I’m creating some kind of community. There’s something special about breaking bread with someone and forging a connection through shared experiences or problems. I also feel like being host allows me to give into my caretaker impulse. I love being of service to people. When I used to work at nonprofits, that need was satisfied to the Nth degree. I work in the private sector now, so I need other ways to satisfy this aspect of my personality.

Jackie* also visited me for her vacation a week ago. It was nice to play tour guide. She came all the way from Virginia to see me and then left to go to see another friend in Boston. I enjoyed her company- she was one of my closest friends in the DC area. Because of her, I can cross off visiting the Museum of Sex off my bucket list. I also went to Staten Island because she wanted to go. I’m not going back there again. 🙂

I’m still in contact with my DC friends and glad that I haven’t lost that connection.

* All names in this blog are fictional to protect individuals’ privacy.

Today’s musical selection is Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 20 with piano played by Evgeny Kissin.


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