Blind date and secret crushes

I had a blind date yesterday. I met Henry* at a fancy Japanese restaurant in Manhattan for sushi. My sister set up the blind date for me. She used to work with him at a past job. He currently works as a data analyst in Upstate New York.

I thought the date went well. The conversation flowed and there was no awkward silences, moments, etc. And he’s a foodie like me, so there was a lot to talk about there. We’ll see how things turn out. But I suspect that he went out with me just because my sister asked him to and nothing’s going to come out of it. I didn’t receive any messages from him today. I mean, I could’ve texted him with something clever. I already texted him after we left the restaurant to thank him for dinner. But I don’t want to be the one who makes the first move.

I thought I moved beyond past relationship baggage. However, I had severe anxiety the night before the date. I still feel very skittish about putting myself in a vulnerable position. I think I acted foolishly and allowed myself to get hurt in the past. So I don’t want to put myself out there until I know for certain that I’m on sure ground.

I hope it does work out. I’m ready to settle down now with someone. And Henry and I have similar personalities and interests, so I thought it would be nice to meet him.

I went to a food festival today in Brooklyn, It was nice and I went there with five other people. The park where the food festival was located was right by the water and you can see lower Manhattan.

I’m secretly attracted to one of the people who went with me. We’ve become pretty good friends since we starting talking to each other in February at a meetup. We shared food together since he’s an adventurous eater like me. He mentioned a couple of times how he appreciates my company. I want to confess to him that I’ve been crushing on him for a while but have refrained from doing so because he has a girlfriend. I know that it’ll be dumb for me to say anything so I’ve just said that I appreciate being his friend too.

We played billiards together at a bar after everyone left. I haven’t played billiards since high school and told him so. I was game to learn anyway, especially since I want to host a meetup at a pool hall next month. He taught me how to play and showed me some pointers. I didn’t realize how sexual the game can be until that moment. I was watching him demonstrate how to use a cue stick to hit the ball. He also touched my hand and showed me how to strike the ball with the cue stick. I felt sexual desire and longing.

People have crushes don’t they? I wish it didn’t have to stay that way.

* All names in this blog are fictional to protect individuals’ privacy.


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